A Moment, for Fashion »
Desert Roads to Children of the Light, The Bus Leaves The South, Large Rocks and Stubborn Engines in Somewhere California
Ok fine, it’s no surprise to you that Phoenix was indeed hotter than Texas. Fine.
Yee Gad, when is the last time I have Spoken to you people? Days? Weeks? Where were we the last time I mixed letters into rambling words on these devious machines? I seem to remember lying to all of you in telling you that we would be driving from Austin to El Paso, Texas. HA! The thought of actually having a successful eight hour drive across the desert brings laughter right out of my gullet. HA indeed. Within three hours of driving in the Direction Of El Paso, the fuel pump demolished itself, per usual. Being in the middle of the desert (how many times will I repeat these words, this story?)…
Oh wait, I’ve just remembered that I have already told you this story.
Right then. So, onto Gigantic Magnets, and the cult. Unfortunately for YOU, the cult will have to wait.
So, the magnet. The Big Green Bus drove through Paradise Valley and into Phoenix on Monday morning to visit one of Waste Management’s older Single Stream Recycling plants. Now, if you’re not familiar with SSR (Single Stream Recycling), lend an ear. In considering the absolute laziness of humankind, it seems appropriate that humans have major beef with the idea of CHOOSING which container to lob their muck into. Decision making is a taxing experience on these humans. Waste Management Understands the absolutely pathetic nature of these creatures, and has found a solution to greatly increase participation in recycling by offering…wait for it…ONE RECEPTACLE for recyclable waste products like plastic, aluminum, and paper. Waste Management then goes through the intricate and highly technilogical process of sorting each type of recyclable material, packing the materian into large Wall-E-esque blocks, and finally selling them to be mashed down and remade into New Old products. This process is complex, combining human sorting, movers, shakers, blowers, pushers and gigantic magnets to get each piece of stuff to it’s home in a Block. As Hunter S. Thompson once said in reference to the Oakland Raiders’ weightlifting room, “I was tempted to get physically involved with every machine in the building–just to know how it felt to get jerked around by all that fantastic machinery”. It truly was an impressive sight. Even more impressive was the fact that this facility’s technology was well on it’s way Out, and that WM is in the process of building a LEED certified structure with far superior technology and efficiency to replace it. Wow-ee.
Enough of that, onto the cult. Sarah and I set off on Tuesday morning in the Jetta (also run off of WVO) ahead of the Bus because the Bus had stopped to grease at I-HOP. Once we safely got from Paradise Valley onto Interstate 8 West, we pulled off at the nearest exit where a gas station existed (it’s not exactly metropolis, you know), and sat down in the gas station with a woman named Carmen. Little did we know that we would be driving to a Bizarre religious commune within fifteen minutes. I digress. The Meat of the Matter is that Carmen lives in a town of 8, and has been living in this town of 8–has been serving as one eigth of the population–for thirty five years. Sarah and I knew that we were far ahead of the Bus, and that we needed some activity to keep our brains from turning Sour on us. We asked Carmen for a mountain to run up, or a freak show to see, and she directed us 30 miles up a rambling, roobling road to the Children of the Light.
Upon arriving at our Destination, we were greeted by a woman who may possibly have been over three hundred years old. HAHAHA! She was ancient, and that is for sure. Her name was Elect Star, she had tan, thin limbs that hung from her small frame, and she wore white linen pants and shirt, along with a tiny red linen vest with “Elect Star” embroidered in yellow stitching, in script. Imagine a circus costume mixed with your mental image of a kindergarden teacher minus the finger painting. Elect Star. Elect Star motioned for Sarah and I to enter a 120 ft long building that the Children of the Light call The Arc, and we sat with Elect Star and four other individuals. One was named Elect Philip, and he wore the same outfit as our dear old gal, Elect Star. Then there was the man with one eye, the man with no teeth but a very pleasing beard, and finally the man who liked the engine. There were also dozens of random dogs. That doesn’t really matter though. We sat down with these five individuals and baking trays of measuring cups filled with water were placed in front of us. We’re being drugged! I thought. But alas, the water was actually, water.
Sarah and I drank our plastic measuring cups until they were empty and were quizzed on the Big Green Bus, our Message, and our Mission. The man who liked the engine only wanted to talk about the engine, the man with no teeth but a very pleasing beard got bored and went outside to rake the grass, Elect Philip was busily writing on a piece of paper, Elect Star politely nodded and held her hands in her lap, and the man with one eye licked his chops. We were then given large bags full of dates, The reason for this was never fully understood. Then it was time for me to quiz the Children of the Light. How did they get here? They were traveling around the country for twelve years telling the people of the world that humans had destroyed the Earth’s resources to the extent that God would soon purge the world of the human life on it in order for beauty to be restored. When they were in Florida, he told them to settle down. By the time they reached California, the words ”Agua Caliente” appeared to one member of the group, and after traveling around the southwest for a while, they discovered the dirt road that we took to their eighty acres of land, called “Agua Caliente”. The original twelve members of the group have been there ever since (over fourty years) and is waiting for God to purge the world. There are only two members of the original twelve left, Elect Star and Elect Philip, and because the Children of the Light do not procreate, the group is dying out. How many of them are left? Well Elect Star believes that Children of the Light goes beyond all racial, geographic, gender, and social barriers–that chosen ones are all over the world, and just may not know that they are Chosen. Some people come to the compound to stay for weeks, months, or even years, but Elect Star know that it is hard for a young person to live such a simple life; that children of current generations want more for themselves than sitting in the Arc and Waiting.
Sarah and I were given brochures and drove back down the road, with the whole gang in the window waving to us–the man with one eye still, for some reason, licking his chops. The Children of the Light were Wise and not so far from our own group of 12 on the bus right now. Briefly, Sarah and I considered Dropping Everything and joining the group. After deciding Against It, we fled at top speeds.
Beyond Carmen and the Children of the Light was five hours of our engine overheating in 122 degree heat crossing the border from Arizona to California, where we were met with large hills, sand dunes and house-sized boulders. I have never seen my body sweat the way it did yesterday. I mean, let’s be reasonable here. Sweating from the wrists and knee caps in the profuse manner in which I did is just not practical.
When we finally arrived in San Diego we ran into the ocean to have our heads filled with seawater as we were constantly pummeled by large waves. We slept well, woke early and before we knew it this morning we had a class of preschoolers in every nook and cranny of the bus, rubbing their boogers on the walls and talking to me about their abilities to “tinkle”, as well as to recycle beer and wine bottles. Extremely impressive.
From the preschoolers the Bus took a turn for the depraved in arriving at Stone Brewing Co. for a free lunch and tour of the brewing facilities and bistro at the headquarters of the company, which strives to incorporate environmentally friendly practices into it’s brewing of beer and function as a company as well. The beer was delicious, I was fooled into eating Tofu for a brief period of time before discovering that I had been lied to, and the company was supreme.
Tomorrow morning we are off to Claremont and Santa Barbara. Uncle Duke may be making an appearance. Any cults discovered along the way will clearly be discussed.
kari
Yee Gad, when is the last time I have Spoken to you people? Days? Weeks? Where were we the last time I mixed letters into rambling words on these devious machines? I seem to remember lying to all of you in telling you that we would be driving from Austin to El Paso, Texas. HA! The thought of actually having a successful eight hour drive across the desert brings laughter right out of my gullet. HA indeed. Within three hours of driving in the Direction Of El Paso, the fuel pump demolished itself, per usual. Being in the middle of the desert (how many times will I repeat these words, this story?)…
Oh wait, I’ve just remembered that I have already told you this story.
Right then. So, onto Gigantic Magnets, and the cult. Unfortunately for YOU, the cult will have to wait.
So, the magnet. The Big Green Bus drove through Paradise Valley and into Phoenix on Monday morning to visit one of Waste Management’s older Single Stream Recycling plants. Now, if you’re not familiar with SSR (Single Stream Recycling), lend an ear. In considering the absolute laziness of humankind, it seems appropriate that humans have major beef with the idea of CHOOSING which container to lob their muck into. Decision making is a taxing experience on these humans. Waste Management Understands the absolutely pathetic nature of these creatures, and has found a solution to greatly increase participation in recycling by offering…wait for it…ONE RECEPTACLE for recyclable waste products like plastic, aluminum, and paper. Waste Management then goes through the intricate and highly technilogical process of sorting each type of recyclable material, packing the materian into large Wall-E-esque blocks, and finally selling them to be mashed down and remade into New Old products. This process is complex, combining human sorting, movers, shakers, blowers, pushers and gigantic magnets to get each piece of stuff to it’s home in a Block. As Hunter S. Thompson once said in reference to the Oakland Raiders’ weightlifting room, “I was tempted to get physically involved with every machine in the building–just to know how it felt to get jerked around by all that fantastic machinery”. It truly was an impressive sight. Even more impressive was the fact that this facility’s technology was well on it’s way Out, and that WM is in the process of building a LEED certified structure with far superior technology and efficiency to replace it. Wow-ee.
Enough of that, onto the cult. Sarah and I set off on Tuesday morning in the Jetta (also run off of WVO) ahead of the Bus because the Bus had stopped to grease at I-HOP. Once we safely got from Paradise Valley onto Interstate 8 West, we pulled off at the nearest exit where a gas station existed (it’s not exactly metropolis, you know), and sat down in the gas station with a woman named Carmen. Little did we know that we would be driving to a Bizarre religious commune within fifteen minutes. I digress. The Meat of the Matter is that Carmen lives in a town of 8, and has been living in this town of 8–has been serving as one eigth of the population–for thirty five years. Sarah and I knew that we were far ahead of the Bus, and that we needed some activity to keep our brains from turning Sour on us. We asked Carmen for a mountain to run up, or a freak show to see, and she directed us 30 miles up a rambling, roobling road to the Children of the Light.
Upon arriving at our Destination, we were greeted by a woman who may possibly have been over three hundred years old. HAHAHA! She was ancient, and that is for sure. Her name was Elect Star, she had tan, thin limbs that hung from her small frame, and she wore white linen pants and shirt, along with a tiny red linen vest with “Elect Star” embroidered in yellow stitching, in script. Imagine a circus costume mixed with your mental image of a kindergarden teacher minus the finger painting. Elect Star. Elect Star motioned for Sarah and I to enter a 120 ft long building that the Children of the Light call The Arc, and we sat with Elect Star and four other individuals. One was named Elect Philip, and he wore the same outfit as our dear old gal, Elect Star. Then there was the man with one eye, the man with no teeth but a very pleasing beard, and finally the man who liked the engine. There were also dozens of random dogs. That doesn’t really matter though. We sat down with these five individuals and baking trays of measuring cups filled with water were placed in front of us. We’re being drugged! I thought. But alas, the water was actually, water.
Sarah and I drank our plastic measuring cups until they were empty and were quizzed on the Big Green Bus, our Message, and our Mission. The man who liked the engine only wanted to talk about the engine, the man with no teeth but a very pleasing beard got bored and went outside to rake the grass, Elect Philip was busily writing on a piece of paper, Elect Star politely nodded and held her hands in her lap, and the man with one eye licked his chops. We were then given large bags full of dates, The reason for this was never fully understood. Then it was time for me to quiz the Children of the Light. How did they get here? They were traveling around the country for twelve years telling the people of the world that humans had destroyed the Earth’s resources to the extent that God would soon purge the world of the human life on it in order for beauty to be restored. When they were in Florida, he told them to settle down. By the time they reached California, the words ”Agua Caliente” appeared to one member of the group, and after traveling around the southwest for a while, they discovered the dirt road that we took to their eighty acres of land, called “Agua Caliente”. The original twelve members of the group have been there ever since (over fourty years) and is waiting for God to purge the world. There are only two members of the original twelve left, Elect Star and Elect Philip, and because the Children of the Light do not procreate, the group is dying out. How many of them are left? Well Elect Star believes that Children of the Light goes beyond all racial, geographic, gender, and social barriers–that chosen ones are all over the world, and just may not know that they are Chosen. Some people come to the compound to stay for weeks, months, or even years, but Elect Star know that it is hard for a young person to live such a simple life; that children of current generations want more for themselves than sitting in the Arc and Waiting.
Sarah and I were given brochures and drove back down the road, with the whole gang in the window waving to us–the man with one eye still, for some reason, licking his chops. The Children of the Light were Wise and not so far from our own group of 12 on the bus right now. Briefly, Sarah and I considered Dropping Everything and joining the group. After deciding Against It, we fled at top speeds.
Beyond Carmen and the Children of the Light was five hours of our engine overheating in 122 degree heat crossing the border from Arizona to California, where we were met with large hills, sand dunes and house-sized boulders. I have never seen my body sweat the way it did yesterday. I mean, let’s be reasonable here. Sweating from the wrists and knee caps in the profuse manner in which I did is just not practical.
When we finally arrived in San Diego we ran into the ocean to have our heads filled with seawater as we were constantly pummeled by large waves. We slept well, woke early and before we knew it this morning we had a class of preschoolers in every nook and cranny of the bus, rubbing their boogers on the walls and talking to me about their abilities to “tinkle”, as well as to recycle beer and wine bottles. Extremely impressive.
From the preschoolers the Bus took a turn for the depraved in arriving at Stone Brewing Co. for a free lunch and tour of the brewing facilities and bistro at the headquarters of the company, which strives to incorporate environmentally friendly practices into it’s brewing of beer and function as a company as well. The beer was delicious, I was fooled into eating Tofu for a brief period of time before discovering that I had been lied to, and the company was supreme.
Tomorrow morning we are off to Claremont and Santa Barbara. Uncle Duke may be making an appearance. Any cults discovered along the way will clearly be discussed.
kari
